I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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