I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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