I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
