i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
