I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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