walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sext me about skeletons
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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