nut hugger
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
