watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
