god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
