The maid of honor just puked.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
