it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
