I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
