how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
