we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I pour the whiskey from now on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
