I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
