I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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