Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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