My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize