If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
