i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
