This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
