I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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