We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
