just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
