i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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