it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
