So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
