i was born a porn star she said
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
