so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
