would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
