How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
