dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
