his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
