this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
