Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
