Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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