I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize