I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
