i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
