Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dont even know how to be here
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
