Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
