it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
