Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Terrible idea I love it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
