Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
foreskin is a definite game changer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
