I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
