cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
