carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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