That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Randomize
