Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
