If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
