I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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