I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
