bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize