Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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