I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
where are my eyebrows?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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