Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
