it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
