My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
be right there i have to get my cape
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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