"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The feeling are messing with the penis
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
