he seriously made his penis a facebook.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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