i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
