i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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