i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
