I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
