i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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