READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize