Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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