I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
